Blessed.

As you know, we recently added to our family.  A new baby boy.

He was born by scheduled c-section (after having an emergency c-section with B) and hurting my pelvis (which ruled out trying a vbac this time around).

I have to admit I was dreading everything about the c-section. I didn't want to be in pain, didn't want to be limited for 6 weeks in my mobility, just didn't want to endure all that comes with major abdominal surgery. Even as I was walked into the OR & was prepped for surgery, I was thinking to myself "I wish I could be anywhere but here, I wish I could do anything not to have to do this..." But the procedure progressed (it was a little too late at that point for any other option). It is such a surreal experience to lay there and know exactly what is happening (due to my medical background) and to feel them push & pull & tug at you, but not feel the pain.  I remember thinking right before they were to pull baby out that I would be extremely surprised if they said "its a girl"...somehow I just had a feeling this baby was a boy.  Sure enough, a few seconds later that is what I heard.

Those words brought tears to my eyes.  I think that alarmed my husband, as he immediately asked me what was wrong.  I was almost speechless...all I could say was "it is just so awesome"...in that moment all my concerns & worries about the c-section ceased to exist.  In that moment I was so unbelievably happy!

A part of me thought a girl might be nice - to know how raising a girl & raising a boy would be different, how fun it would be to dress up a little girl...but deep down, I really did want a little brother for B - especially since they would be so close in age (but don't get me wrong - I would have been absolutely thrilled with either...but having a boy made me so excited for B).

I was so worried that B would be jealous...that he would want nothing to do with baby...that he would think his world had come to an end...
But I worried for nothing.
The moment that solidified all of this for me was caught in the snap below...

To me, this embodies all I was hoping for with two brothers.  B was totally enamoured with the new little baby...couldn't wait to hold him in his arms and give him hugs and kisses.  I just love the emotion in his expression. I love the symbolism of all the helping hands. I love the connection that already has formed between these two. It brings tears to my eyes.  I think it always will. I am a mom to two boys. I love these two little men with all my heart.

I am so blessed. So, so blessed.