(ok - maybe I'm pretty sure its my raging hormones these days)...
My last few weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions. There have been ups, downs, ins and outs. I don't normally think of myself as this sort of person. Yes. I am emotional. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel strongly...but I don't usually feel so completely all over the place emotionally...I usually feel pretty sure of where I'm at on any given day.
This thorough range of ups and downs, ins and outs within a single day - that is something new.
I heard news today that rocked me to my very core. Let's just say it caused me to sit back and really, really think about my life.
I am so grateful for my life. I truly am. But - I admit (and it is kind of a hard thing for me to do) that life is not all roses, and I let that get to me far too often, in my opinion. Some of the truest blessings have also proven to be the hardest things in life. Love. Parenthood.
I guess as I am about to embark on yet another life-changing transition, I'd like to pride myself in saying I am confident I can handle anything. I have proven that I'm a tough person, capable of surviving really hard circumstances in life. The truth of the matter is that I second guess my capability often (and lately several times a day).
Although I can get incredibly frustrated with my husband and feel really alone, I love him so very much. It seems like just when I'm most ready to give in to the frustrations, some tiny, little thing happens to reassure me that he loves me too, and that we're in this for the long haul.
I would honestly say the single, most life-changing event in my life was to become a mom. It has been (and I know it will continue to be) both the most challenging thing and the most rewarding thing in the world. I'm getting a little glimpse into life with a strong-willed toddler and sometimes I wonder what in the world I've gotten myself into. I know there are many out there who are nodding your heads yes, and telling me it only gets harder. I know there are also those who would say it only gets better.
I only know it will be different. Again. Change is good. Change is hard. I need to embrace that. I need to worry about it less and just live. Just be thankful. Just love. Just listen. Just strive to be as patient as possible...especially when I feel the least patient (hello, hormones!).
I'd like to thank my husband tonight, who even though got home incredibly late and must have been exhausted, took the time to ask me about my day and engage in ten minutes of adult conversation that I had been really, really missing. It made me feel so grounded on a day I really needed it. It made me realize why I married him, and why he is the father to my child (soon to be -ren). It made me remember our wedding, and brought back the excitement of the future and all it would bring.
Today was just a day. Today was a day that reminded me I'm only human. Today was a day that had its frustrations. Today was a day of sorrow and of joy. Today was built from yesterday. But today was a day that leads to tomorrow. For that, I am so thankful. I am so very, very thankful.
Thanks for bearing with me for this very personal post. I hope it has given you pause to really think about your life. The challenges. The rewards. And without a doubt, most importantly, the "thankful".
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